In his book, Learning to Live With the Love of Your Life... And Loving It!, Dr. Neil Clark Warren reveals ten secrets to a triumphant marriage. Secret #6 is "Learn How to Talk."
Dr. Warren has found four main factors that contribute to difficulties in communication:
Reason #1: Low Self-Esteem. If a person doesn't highly value themselves, they may figure that what they have to say isn't going to be highly valued either. So they either clam up or they keep conversation to a superficial level. These people need to work on getting themselves emotionally healthy first before they can effectively share themselves with others.
Reason #2: Fear of Criticism and Judgment. Whether a person fears criticism because they have received it from their spouse or because it was experienced early in life, this fear will inhibit healthy communication. Create a safe environment with your spouse so that you both will feel able to share without being attacked.
Reason #3: Lack of Knowledge About Internal Happenings. Most people do not take the time for introspection to examine their emotions, desires and what makes them tick. If a person doesn't know themselves very well, how are they going to communicate what they need or feel to someone else? Take the time to examine your inner thoughts and feelings.
Reason #4: Inability to Put Thoughts and Feelings into Words. Some people have many thoughts they want to share, but don't know how to communicate them. But like with any skill, communication can be learned and it needs to be practiced in order to improve. If needed, buy a book on communication skills or talk with a marriage counselor on how you can effectively share with your spouse.
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