Pessimistic Laws Of The Natural Universe

 Robert Strand

  • walkingintotunnelVon Fumbles Law: When you wish to unlock a door...any kind of a door but have only one hand free, the keys are always in the opposite pocket.
  • Yale Law of Destiny: A door you have just opened will always snap shut only when you have left the keys on the other side of the door.
  • Cheney's Second Corollary: When things seem to be going really well, think again, you have probably forgotten to do something.
  • Destiny Awaits Law: When things seem easy to do, it's likely you haven't read and followed all the easy-to-follow instructions.
  • Law of Gravitas: If you are keeping your cool when everyone else is losing theirs, it's probably because you have not realized the seriousness of the problem.
  • Principle of Ding-a-Ling: If you have to run to answer your cell phone, you'll always pick it up just as the calling party hangs up on you.
  • Law of the Wasteland: If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they will always be on at the same time.
  • Law of Campbells Oooops: The probability that you will spill food on your clothes is directly proportional to your need to be clean to make a good impression.
  • Law of Fatal Irreversibility: After throwing something away you haven't used for a long will need it desperately one week later.
  • THEORY OF ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY: Do not take yourself or life too seriously while you are taking your eternal destiny seriously because you won't come out alive in the end, anyway!

"For we must all before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad" (II Corinthians 5:10).