The following notes were taped to different pulpits: “Stand up – Speak up – Shut up!” “What will you preach about? About twenty minutes.” “If you don’t strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.” It was said of a minister, “They say he’s long winded. He may be long – but never winded.” A minister prayed, “Lord, fill me with worthwhile stuff, and nudge me when I’ve said enough.” Finally, there was a visiting preacher who revealed, “I have been told I can speak as long as I want to… but everyone leaves at 12 noon!”1
“The Preacher was wise, he taught the people knowledge” (Ecclesiastes 12:9).
In the middle of the Sunday sermon, a lady in attendance remembered she had forgotten to turn off the gas under the roast. Hurriedly, she scribbled a note, and passed it to the usher to give to her husband, who was serving in security. Unfortunately, the usher misunderstood her intention, and took it to the pulpit. Thinking it was an emergency, the pastor unfolded the note, and read aloud, “Please go home, and turn off the gas.”2
“Stand up to be seen. Speak up to be heard. Shut up to be appreciated” (An anonymous wise homiletical owl).3
© 2017 D & L Publications.
- A Treasury of Humor, Clyde Murdock, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, MI, Copyright 1967, “Speakers – Sign Posts”
- Ibid, “Long-Winded”
- Christian Clippings, P. O. Box 3867, Holiday, FL, 34692, January 1997