Lord I want to be real. If being real means that I am alone, and in that solitude You walk with me, then let me be alone, accompanied for the moment only by You.
If being real means that I struggle with the weakness of others, and wonder at my ability to handle a difficult situation, but in that awareness You join me on my journey, quickening my heart, and sharpening my senses, then let me struggle . . . let me wonder . . . let me be aware.
If being real means that I grapple with where I am in the world, but in my wrestling You stand by me, call my name, and bear me in Your everlasting arms, then let me wrestle on. Hold me such that I cannot loosen Your grip.
Lord, I want to be real. If being real means that I question and there are no answers, but in my questioning I learn to trust Your Word, Your character, Your love, then let me question, let me listen only to Your voice.
If being real means that I am confused, not knowing which way to go - that I struggle with sadness and wonder why You are silent - but in that confusion You walk with me, then let me be unsure, let me seek Your face, clinging tightly to Your hand.
If being real means that I am exhausted to the core of my being, but in my weariness You sit by my bed, and sing to me, Your fingers entwine with mine, and You gently whisper my name, then I will be weary resting in Your tender care.
If being real means that I hurt, or walk with another who is hurting, and in that time of intense emotion You are there soothing, teaching, lovingly speaking, "You are my own," then for You I will walk on, my hand safely tucked in Yours.
Lord, I want to be real. If being real means that my body must ache, and sometimes I forget to smile through the tears, but in my pain You become my strength, my comfort, my joy, then I will ache on safe in the shelter of Your embrace.
Not because I welcome suffering, but because I welcome You. More importantly, You welcome me.
When I am faithless, You remain faithful.
God of my life let me lean on You. Fold me closely to Your bosom.
Bathe me with Your presence. Not just my hands and feet, Lord, but all of me.
Lord, I want to be real.
© Ronda Knuth