The "Ungoofer" Machine

The screen fills with the face and white teeth of the handsome television reporter. 'Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Today we're talking with Professor I.M. Goofy about his new machine--the 'Ungoofer.” It takes negative things and makes them positive.”

Next to our famous television announcer stands a little man in a white lab coat. His disheveled, thinning hair looks like it has been out in a high wind. Thick glasses magnify dark, sparkling eyes. 'Tell us about your machine, professor Goofy.'

'John, this new invention of mine will revolutionize the way we live. Take this huge hamburger for example.”

He lifts a triple-decker hamburger from the table in front of him. 'This triple cheeseburger will cost you about 1200 calories in your diet. But ”¦” here he cackles triumphantly”¦ 'Let's put it in my Ungoofer machine and see what happens!”

Next to him a strange contraption about the size of a microwave oven hums and flashes. The nutty doctor puts the hamburger in, adjusts the dial and the machine explodes into action. Bells and whistles sound. In the background the music from 'Stars and Strips Forever” blares.

After a few minutes, the contraption dings and Professor Goofy eagerly retrieves a hamburger that looks as if it had been on the receiving end of an airstrike. 'Voil