Soul Scars 3: You are Not Alone

ultrasoundg-2-262482-m “Casting all your care on Him because He cares for you.” I Peter 5:7

I turned first one page and then another of the book I’d brought along and tried not to think of what the next hour might bring. Ultrasounds are wonderful diagnostic tools but I have a love-hate relationship with them. Twice I’ve watched the monitor as a technician expertly moved her Doppler over my body only to see that the heartbeat of my much-anticipated, unborn child had stopped beating. Another ultrasound on another day catapulted me back to a sexual assault in my early twenties and I made it through by gritting my teeth and taking deep breaths.

The jury was still out on how I would remember this particular appointment. Bad things happen to good people all the time.
It’s part of living in a world that has turned its back on God.

"Man is born to trouble as sparks and flames fly upward" (Job 5:7 AMP).

You live, you struggle – pain is a pretty effective tool in shaping and managing our lives. I don’t like it very much. My steadfast love for God is not a guarantee that bad won’t happen to me. That knowledge followed me into the Imaging Center last Friday morning. Anything was possible.No one coerced my prayer; as a matter of fact I was all alone that morning.

I have spent a lifetime walking with God.

At 8 years of age, lying in a bed in the Pediatric unit at Children’s Hospital in Denver, Colorado (USA) with a terminal, inoperable brain stem glioma, I made a decision. “Jesus,” I prayed, “Please forgive me of my sins and come into my heart.”

No one coerced my prayer; as a matter of fact I was all alone that morning. The Holy Spirit drew me to Him and I just knew, even then, that I wanted to serve God all the days of my life. I’ve not always done it well; often my walk with Him has been less than perfect. But He never once pushed me away; even when I faltered.

Together, my hand tucked securely in His, we’ve done life together.

He’s been a faithful friend. He knows my name. He loves me. Not once, not ever, did He leave me to walk alone. We have weathered life’s storms. Even when slammed with the worst of the worst, He has been my anchor. Sometimes He simply spoke and the storm calmed. Other times He allowed the storm to rage, pulled me close, held me tight and sheltered me with Himself.

To a person, the staff at the Imaging Center was thoughtful and kind, seeking to make a threatening situation tolerable. right down to the cozy, warm cloth gown they placed in my hands. In the changing room, I pulled the door closed, slipped into the gown and caught my reflection in the mirror on the wall.

The worry I had evaded since being asked to return for more tests pounded on the door of my mind.

“Let me in!” I was tempted to allow it entrance, but then I made a choice, a conscious decision to stay inside His grace.

“God,” I whispered, “If its cancer, You are good. If it’s not, You are good. I trust You.”

Only God knows the full scope of what you face at this time in your life.

Do you know Him? Do you know Him well enough to trust Him? Throw yourself on Him. He cares.

“God you are kind, but you’re not soft. In Your kindness, please take me firmly by the hand and lead me into a radical life change.” (Romans 2:4 MSG)